blogger, author, body positivity advocate

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Read my thoughts and real-talk
about motherhood, bullying, and everything
from social media to bad drivers.
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about me

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I’m a writer living in Utah with my husband, sons Mason and Logan, and pug Willy. I’m an author, procrastinator, sports fan, list-maker,

food lover, car-singer, and most of all a work in progress.

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Real Talk, Delivered

Coffee with your sister? Wine with your girlfriends? That’s what an email from me will be like. Full of truth, vulnerability, encouragement and maybe a little butt-kicking from time to time.

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I believe you and I are enough and that we are beautiful just the way we are, but it wasn’t always that way. Here you’ll find blog posts about body positivity, resources that have helped me, and people I love who share messages I believe in.

 
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In my other, not-so-secret, life, I write erotic romance novels full of swear words and super hot sex.

 

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Two years ago I would've never gone to a group workout class, especially one I've never tried before. But then I would've missed out on finding a new form of exercise that I really enjoy. ❤️ Reformer Pilates kicks my butt in the very best way. I've been going off and on for the past few months, and despite easily being the biggest person in the room, I've never felt out of place. Maybe it's because it's really hard to see, much less compare myself to someone else when I'm willing my burning inner thighs to keep going. Or maybe it's because I finally realized that no one else cares. ❤️ No one cares if my body doesn't look the same or if I can't do all the exercises perfectly. No one cares if I have to take a break on the last set. No one cares if I'm bigger or smaller than anyone else. And if they do? I don't have the time or energy to care anymore. I've only got one body and one life to live and I'm not going to let my insecurities or the opinions of someone else keep me from living the life I want too. ❤️ Next up, I'm working up the courage to try aerial yoga. Not because I'm afraid what people will think, but because I'm really afraid I'll fall out of the fabric things on my face. What new things have you tried lately?
Happiness is a choice. I never really understood that until very recently. But it has become abundantly clear to me that happiness and how we react to various situations is entirely up to us. I’ve felt this particularly hard in the past few weeks in relation to motherhood and my body. ✨ I've had a lot of people ask me how I learned to love and appreciate my body. The truth is I made the choice to stop hating my body, to start showing it compassion and grace, and to stop picking myself apart every time I passed the mirror. It's a choice I continue to make every single day, and it's not always easy, especially when are so many voices telling us being thin is the only way to be happy and healthy. ✨ I'm here to tell you it is possible to be happy in the body you are in right now, and that being happy doesn't mean you're giving on being healthy. My body has gone through a lot of changes in the past 2 years: pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, weight loss, weight gain, illnesses… and learning to accept and appreciate my body through all of it has been challenging to say the least. But I’ve made the choice to choose grace and love and self-compassion over hatred and negative self-talk. The happiness, peace and freed up mental space that comes from choosing to be happy in and less obsessive about my body has been life changing. You can choose happiness.
I've been thinking a lot about my boys lately and all the things I want to teach them as they grow up, and which ones really matter. I think about the world they are going to grow-up in and feel sad, scared and hopeful all at the same time (and wish I could keep them little and innocent forever). 💙 I want to protect them from all the bad, scary things in the world, but even though it breaks my mama heart, I know I can't. But I can use my time, energy and actions to make this world a little bit better place to be. We can hope for a better world with less bullying and hatred, and more tolerance and love all we want but until we act nothing will change. 💙 This isn't one of the times where we can say do as I say not as I do. We can't expect our kids to learn how to not bully if we are bullying strangers on the internet. We can't expect them to learn to love their bodies if we are constantly tearing ours and others down. We can't expect them learn tolerance and compassion for others if we don't embrace the differences in others first. We have to be the change we want to see because if we don't, who will?
Today I am choosing to be grateful for this body. I haven't always been very nice to it, in fact I've done some awful things to my body, but it's always here for me. Regardless of how many fad diets, terrible supplements or binge-eating episodes I put it through, my body continues to support me. ❤️ I could choose to focus on the negatives. The aches and pains, the illnesses and medical issues I've had in the past. I could choose to look at this body and be disgusted by what I see, choose to hate everything I see in the mirror. But the truth is this body, this one right here not the skinny one I've always wanted, has allowed me to do so many amazing things in this life. ❤️ It allowed me to play sports in high school, it's given me the ability to love and be loved, it gave me my sons and has cradled those boys for more hours than I can count. Even though I hated it for years and years, this body has allowed me to see and do so many amazing things, to make memories I'll never forget with the people I cherish the most . And for that I will always be grateful. ❤️ What has your body let you do that you are grateful for?
This week is Maternal Suicide Awareness week. I know every time I hear those stories I used to think, “How can a new mom possibly think her new baby and family would be better without her?” Then I got postpartum depression. 🖤 Inevitably, when something tragic like suicide happens people ask questions or say things like they didn’t know or why didn’t they ask for help. Postpartum depression or any depression for that matter doesn’t always look like we think. It’s not always people who don’t get out of bed for days on end or neglect their new baby. 🖤 Postpartum depression looks a lot like a new mom or even a seasoned mom who is in a constant state of overwhelm and tiredness that never goes away. It looks a lot like someone who doesn’t do the things they did before. It’s looks a lot like FaceTiming ever family member they have every night of the week so they don’t feel so alone even for just 5 minutes. It looks a lot like ignoring text messages because answering even simple texts requires energy they just don’t have. It looks a lot like crying in the dark and hoping no one finds out that you yelled at your babies for the third day in a row because the guilt is soul crushing. 🖤 Those are just my experiences, and there are hundreds more out there. I got the help I needed but too often that’s not the case. Check on your mom friends, new and old, even the ones that seem like they have it all together. Don’t gloss over it if they say anything other than they are doing great. Listen and pay attention, because the clues and the cries for help are there. Sometimes even asking for help is too much to do. 🖤 Let’s end the idea that new moms need to have it all together after 2 weeks and embrace the idea that babies require a lot and moms in healing need all the help, support and love they can get. They don’t need pressure to get their bodies back or get their babies sleeping through the night immediately. They need sleep, they need help, they need a sounding board and someone who won’t judge their hair that hasn’t been washed in a week. They need love, just like their babies.
I was trying to think of something profound to say with this photo but really I just like this dress and it’s pockets and am stoked that it’s fall. 🍁🍂🍁 I’m ready for cooler weather, pumpkin spice lattes, yummy soup and football! What is your favorite thing about fall?