I Am Here
“May the light be upon me | May I feel in my bones that I am enough | I can make anywhere home | My fingers are clenched, my stomach in knots | My heart it is racing, but afraid I am not | Afraid I am not | I am here. I am here!” - I Am Here, Pink
I’ve been listening to this song, I Am Here by Pink, on repeat for basically three weeks now. At first, I liked it because it’s catchy and has a good beat, but as I’ve been listening to the actual lyrics, I feel like it is the perfect anthem for my life right now. Everything in my life has led me to this moment right here. You might be thinking, “Duh, Paige, that’s how life works.” But when you think about it, I mean really think about it, that concept is kind of amazing. Everything in my life, all the struggles and hard times, all the happy days and accomplishments, all the failures and tears have led me right here, to this point in life where I’m ready to share my story, to be vulnerable and open, and hopefully, make a positive impact on the world.
I’m at a place in my life where I am no longer afraid to share my thoughts and goals and dreams and opinions because I’m worried about what other people will think. Because I’ve come to realize I have the power to change people’s lives for the better. It’s taken me a long time to get here. Years and years of insecurities and believing in my soul that I wasn’t enough; thousands of words I’ve written but never shared because I worried about offending people.
I’ve been blessed with the gift of writing and lifetime of experiences that have brought me to this place. I’ve been bullied to my face and behind my back; I’ve hated myself with every fiber of my being; I’ve brought two amazing little boys into this world and battled every day since then with balancing motherhood and the intense fear of losing my own identity to just being a mom; I’ve walked through (and am still making my way out of) the darkness that is postpartum depression; I’ve been the girl who never went on a date in high school and the one who gave herself away too easily in the name of being validated; I’ve kept my biggest dreams hidden inside for fear of failure, but I’ve come to the realization that I’m not doing anyone, myself included, any favors by hiding the most vulnerable parts of myself.
So instead, I’ll share them with you and anyone else who cares to read about them. Some of them might make us both uncomfortable, but that’s okay because being uncomfortable is the first step toward change.
I have big plans for this little blog. Plans to talk about all the things that matter to me like body positivity and self-love (watch for my next post for more details about that), motherhood, parenting, bullying, diversity, relationships, and balance in life, and maybe a few rants about the bad drivers and weather in Utah. If any of that resonates with you I hope you’ll come along on this journey with me. Because this is just the beginning.