All in Motherhood/parenting
I’d like to think I was worried about issues like bullying and social media use and how we are perpetuating bias and prejudice without even realizing it before I had kids, but that would be, at best, stretching the truth. Before I had a tiny human following me around and listening to everything I said I put little thought into how the things I said or did, especially online impacted anyone but me.
Growing a tiny human inside me and pushing him out into the world was the catalyst that helped me see my body in a whole new light. My body grew an entire human being, and I didn’t die when I pushed all nine pounds of him out. If that doesn’t make you appreciate your body, I don’t know what will
My baby is now seven-months old and I recently decided I felt good enough to start weaning off my antidepressants, and when all those feelings of irritability, sadness, exhaustion and hatred for everything came rushing back I felt like a failure. I refilled my prescription and cried. I should be over this by now, I have nothing to be depressed about, I thought.
It is so easy to look at your friends and family and compare your life with theirs. To compare their clean house with your dirty one, their well-behaved children with your screaming monsters, their fit bodies with your still-doesn’t-fit-in-prepregancy-jeans body. But here’s the thing: there is always more to the story. There is always life behind the scenes you know nothing about.
Some days there is nothing else I would rather do than snuggle those babies and be a mom, but more often than not I need more. I need more than days spent washing endless piles of laundry, kissing skinned knees and wiping away tears, more than being called “Mommy” a million times in a day.